Sunday, October 7, 2012

Heartbreak and Healing

My post today will be a cut-and-paste from a letter I read to our church today. I haven't the energy to write it all out again. Please read (it's rather long), and pray.

Thank you for giving us the time during today’s service to give you an update on our adoption process. It is easier for us to communicate with all of you at once rather than to repeat this information again and again. We come to you with heavy hearts as we received word on Monday evening that the three children we were hoping to adopt would not be matched with us. As of yet, no reason has been given for why this match will not be allowed.

            Last April, a sibling group of 3 was placed “on hold” for us, meaning that while our paperwork was being processed in the Philippines, no one else could adopt them. In June, our dossier was approved by the Inter-Country Adoption Board in the Philippines. We have waited since that time to hear word, preparing our home for the arrival of these three precious children. We had a few communications come from the Philippines, mainly in the form of clarifying questions. Everything was on track to move forward. We were told that all that was left was the “official” referral and a court date.

            We have struggled to understand why or how this happened. We were given assurances by both our Bethany social worker and the liaison between Bethany’s main office and the Philippines that the children were a great match for our family. Both of those individuals are still working towards finding out why the Inter-Country Adoption Board for the Philippines has denied the match. For our part, making assumptions as to why this has happened is counter-productive to the healing process we must go through.

            As our emotions were quite raw for a few days last week, we waited to tell Rachel and Joshua. Joshua’s age has proved to be a great buffer for the hurt that goes along with this news. Rachel, on the other hand, is still processing raw emotions that come with anticipated siblings not making an appearance. We ask that you pray for our children as we continue to work with them through this time.

            As for us, we would ask for your prayers as we navigate uncertain waters regarding adoption. Yes, we still intend to adopt. Yes, we would still like to adopt from the Philippines. No, we don’t know what our next steps will be. Yes, we place our unknown future into the hands of a known God.

            I have taken great comfort in the story of Abraham, who, when God told him it was time to move from all that was familiar to him, also didn’t know what the final destination would be. God simply said, “I will show you.” We know that adoption is God’s choice for our family. We don’t know what the destination will be. And that’s OK.

            I also take great comfort in the midst of this great sorrow, as I walk through prepared rooms in my house that stand ready for children who aren’t coming at this time. My comfort comes from Psalm 34:18: “The LORD is near to the brokenhearted And saves those who are crushed in spirit.” I can tell you that I know what it means to be “crushed”. Rachel knows what it means to be “brokenhearted.” We are all clinging to the promise of God’s nearness at this time.

            We have been so thankful for the prayers and support of this church during the long process of our adoption. It has meant so much as many of you have continually asked us how things are going--if we’ve received word yet. You have rejoiced with us with every little step, and for that we are exceedingly grateful. We desperately need your continued prayers and support at this time.

            Please also pray for James, Venus, and Maricris, the three children we so longed to adopt. Pray that they would have a forever family soon. Pray for their continued healing at the orphanage in which they currently reside. Pray for the children God will match us with in what we hope is the near future.

            Thank you, once again, for being our safe place at this time.


  1. wow. praying for those three precious children, and for your family. Honestly, can't imagine the confusion that must flood your hearts. Trusting that God will somehow show your family the way forward one small step at a time.

  2. Thank you for sharing this with us. I will keep you and the five precious children involved in my of my favorite Scriptures is Jeremiah 29:11 - "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Your friend, Maggie Cook

  3. Praying for you all. I am so sorry to hear this news. I can not even imagine what you must all be going through right now. Holding you up in prayers. If there is anything we can do for you please let us know.
    Your friends,
    Keith and Christi

  4. Oh no. My heart hurt to read this. We are praying for y'all. For clarity, for peace, and for those around you who may not fully understand the adoption process and might not understand what a giant loss this is for you. My heart grieves with yours, friend. I think my mantra during the adoption process was "Adoption is not for wimps." You are not a wimp! :)